It's always good to revisit the past. Just don't dwell there too long.

I spent Sat/Sun of Memorial day weekend in San Jose/Santa Clara at my friend David's. Anthony and I drove down and we've known him for years. Super nice and always fun. Saturday was drinking and fun in the pool, followed by a trip to Alex's new club Splash. It's always nice to know the owner. Only one guy hit on me. After he told me, "you're cute!" he stopped talking to me. I asked if I had said anything wrong back to him and I got a thumbs up! What does that mean?

Tomorrow will be back home and another event scratched off the list of to do's before Boston. Growing more and more excited and confident I will enjoy it.

It is almost 2 weeks without my meds. David's partner tried to get with me last night. Not that i'd feel comfortable, but also no labido. . . it's completly gone. Scary! What would Phill think if he were here? He'd either go find more massages off criag's list, or be happy I didn't want any.

I promised him i'd write, and have to get some stuff ready for my pop to pick up next week. Kit took the news well as did most at work. She seems visibly sad i'm leaving. I think she's waking up to the amount of work I provide. Yeah, too bad so sad.

Tonight they want to go out again, after watching Mean Girls outside against the house and a yummy grilled dinner. I can only hope for a two thumbs up rating in this lame town to beat my score from last night.

Always, more to come. Love ya.

It's all good kids!

Not only did my test results come out completely negative, but I got my new lap top, told work I was quitting, have booked my movers, set my schedule, set my gym membership cancellation and now can go to Europe as originally planned thanks to my parents.

Only bad part about this week has been that I’ve been of my regular medication. NO libido what so ever. It's like being nurtured!!! Which got me to thinking. . . should I go back on them? True I have a better body and more energy. But if I don't really want sex, what are they good for?

But I know I want to still. Just looking and feeling better is worth all the risk. And I need to stop worrying about my hairline. It's just thinner . . . right?

This weekend will be a nice long one. Hanging out with Anthony and David in Santa Clara one last time, and a trip to Palo Alto. Like going home. I have to remember to return those Puma's to Bloomingdale’s.

Xbox rules. I'm so addicted to my new game I now believe I will need to finish it before leaving for Boston so I don't waist time.

Should I force myself to go out looking for hot guys tomorrow? I probably should, but god I have no energy for it. I briefly talked to Phill, and I do miss him. I'll probably think about him as I fall asleep. I just wish he'd figure out how he feels about me. Oh well, it'll happen one day. And I'm ok anyway.

More to come. . .

Always the hard way . . .

So my mother once said that I always must do things the hard way, that's just me.

I guess so; I have to stop my medication for the next two months so the specialist, an endocrinologist from UCSF, can determine what's really going on. Testosterone is now normal, but two other items aren't. So they don't quite know what's going on. Odds are my boys are broke and the level of supplemental testosterone is a little too high - (hemoglobin levels of oxygen are too high) may cause cancer, diabetes, etc - so I need to go off for a bit to do monthly blood checks.

The hard part? That's being off it for two months. . . maintaining my body weight, achieving my goals with the gym, getting work done, actually wanting sex, planning and moving to Boston. . . yeah, I’m scared.

So some back story: Two years ago I/me and my ex figured out I needed to see a doctor about my low libido, lack of energy and inability to gain weight. Verdict: Low Testosterone. Cause: Unknown. Not being on medication is HELL. Not hell like Dante where you're not living and someone is stepping on your face, but still bad overall.

Yeah, I’m scared . . . going back there and dealing. But I’ve made a vow to myself. I will not change my goals or my routine. I will push through it and make myself succeed. And I'll be positive about it. I just hope it works!!! :)

More to come. . .

Current Status and Events

So far, everything has been frustrating.

Event 1: Opening up to the EAST
The neighbors cut down the tree outside my living room window last Wednesday, exposing my living room to vast arrays of early morning sunlight as well as curious neighbors. It's been an adjustment, but my home definitely doesn't feel like my home right now. Probably a good preliminary.

Event 2: Laptop ordering
Ok, so Tuesday i put down almost 2K on a new laptop so I can get the Ipod set up, sell my cd's, start the VB class, sell the old laptop. . . ,whew, a lot rests with this. . . oh, back order . . . IBM slow to deliver . . . great.

Event 3: Tests, Tests & Tests
This week I find out the results for my medical problem. Effect is lowered Testosterone which i've been on replacement therapy for 2 years. But cause is unknown. Could be chemical, could be genetic. I just don't want to go back to that life before and don't want my hair to fall out (too much to ask?)

Also get my semi-annual round of STD/HIV testing results back on Thursday or Friday. Yeah, this isn't stressful.

But I keep going, hoping, wishing, knowing, and believing that everything will work out. I'm excited for the change, and even though I don't quite understand it all I'll get through it - which is what makes the experience in the first place.

I should do work, although I'm caught up. They want to give me a new International project and apply for the promotion they should have given me in March. Motivation isn't bad, but my attention to details (my ability to care about them) just isn’t there. Hopefully I can begin the VB class soon which would give me something to do at work as well as make it look like I was working on work at work.

Ok, more to come.

Introductions and Purpose

Why hello.

So to push off insanity while I go through this and potentially to inform everyone what's going on with my experiences as I go to Boston from San Francisco at the age of 30. . . ok 32 to get my MS/MBA from BU, I am creating this blog. Not a big fan, but maybe that'll change with time. Pop always tried to get us to create a journal, maybe this will be it.

I promise to:

• keep it relavant
• attempt to keep it interesting
• attempt humor

I promise not to:

• Update this every day

I got the idea for this after reading the blog of a woman who moved to Melbourne from NY to get her MBA. I would have moved there in a hearbeat had someone actually been in love with me, but that didn't work out. So now I listen to Kelly Clarkson's new hit - which is always how i feel about it - I'm becoming more comfortable with this idea of moving and the blog I will create.

Well, i'm back from getting my STD testing. Results in 7-10 days . . . stay tuned! Same Matt time, same Matt chanel. And i know there's more to explore, discuss and bore my readers with, but i'm hungry and need to make dinner before 8PM and get ready for Alias at 9!

Good luck readers, i'm glad you're on this journey with me. I hope I know what i'm doing!

Mattie